A Creative Turn of Phrase.
Probably the greatest faux pas in the history of sports radio commentaries was during a match at Lords when Holding was at the crease.Listeners heard:"The batsman's Holding,the wicket keeper's Willy."
"I was saying the other day,how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..."
-Andy Gray on Sky Sports.
"Gary always weighed up his options,especially when he had no choice."
-Kevin Keegan on Radio 5 Live
"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch,even on a sunny day."
-Chris Jones,Evening Standard
"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head."
-Derek Johnstone on BBC TV Scotland
"They have got their feet on the ground and if they stay that way they will go places."
"Celtic were at one time nine points ahead but,somewhere along the ROAD their SHIP went off the RAILS."
"There's as much chance of McAvennie leaving as there is of us losing 5-1 tomorrow."
-Billie McNiell,Celtic manager in 1988
(Celtic lost to Rangers 5-1 the following day and McAvennie left a few months later.)
"In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale."
"Strangely,in slow motion replay,the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my Sister has never let me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants
and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
strange nothing from Mr Murray Walker..........
Oh yes, Murray Walker has slipped up. He once said 'The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it, which is identical!'
There are a few others as well...
'Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious' ( Alan Minter )
'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning, and it was amazing!' ( Pat Glen - weightlifting commentator)
'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him' ( Murray Mexted)
'This is really lovely horse. I once rode her mother' ( Ted Walsh)
'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.' ( Harry Carpenter at the Oxford - Cambridge boat race 1977 )
'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they have eleven Dicks on the field' ( Terry Venables )
'One of the reasons Arnie ( Arnold Palmer ) is playing so well, is that before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ...... Oh my God! What have I just said!! ( US PGA Commentator )
'For those of you who are watching in black and white, the blue ball is behind the brown' ( Ted Lowe - snooker commentator )